Unexpected Storm...

Yes, I realize I just posted earlier today, but I have some catching up to do ;)  I thought it would be a good idea to explain the title of my blog: "Unexpected Storm".  While it may seem somewhat self-explanitory, theres a little more to it than meets the eye.  I do want to say that over all I feel like I've been able to cope pretty well (and I take no credit for that, but that's for another post...).  I've been able to recognize many tender mercies by my Heavenly Father from the very begining of all of this that lessened the blow a bit (so to speak), but nothing could have prepared me for the depth of sorrow that I would feel.  There have been a lot of days especially in the first week or two that were just plain HARD!  The grief I experienced (as too many mother's before me can testify) was overwhelming and profound.  The first morning after I had my sweet angel I woke up sobbbing and that has never happened to me before!  It really did take me by surprise.  This is how I described it to my friends & family on facebook on a particularly difficult day: "There is very little (if anything) anyone can say or do to make things 'better'  when your heart is hurting. The days are getting better and easier overall, but the pain comes and goes with the tiniest provocation, and all you can do is allow it, and wait for it to pass. When you experience this kind of heartache (for whatever reason) it is beyond reassuring to know the Lord cares and knows exactly how you're feeling. However, it does not *absolve* the pain right now, it simply gives you something to cling to when the waves of grief come crashing down on you, sometimes without warning. It's a light to hold on to when life feels dark."

The reason I tell you all of this is because about a week after I had Gabriel (it just doesn't feel right to say "after my miscarriage", even though that's what it was...) I came across this song that expresses so perfectly my own feelings.  It really helped me get through some of those really hard days and let me know it was ok to just cry.

"Just Let Me Cry"

by: Hilary Weeks

(In case the imbedded video doesn't work- like on my iPad- click here to go to the video on YouTube! :oP )

Here are the lyrics:

I believe that everything happens for a reason

We’re not just tossed by the wind and left in the hands of fate
*But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected*
And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.

And when I feel the heartache begin to pull me under
I dig my heels in deep and I fight to keep my ground
Still at times the hurt inside grows stronger
And there’s nothing I can do but let it out

So just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
‘Til every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break
But I know he knows exactly how I’m feeling
And I know in time he’ll take the pain away

But for now just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
So just let me cry
‘Til every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

I have felt joy, the kind that makes my heart want to sing
And so my tears are not a surrender, I’ll feel that way again
But for now, for this moment

Just let me cry
I know it’s hard to see
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today
Just let me cry
Until every tear has fallen
Don’t ask when and don’t ask why
Just let me cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason
----------------------------------


So.  That was kind of a long way to get to my point, but you'll notice I marked the third line of the song... "Sometimes life sends a storm that's unexpected"... and thus the name of my blog.  This is definitely what I would call an "unexpected storm" in my life.  Storms come, and they go.  Some just bring rain, others bring more than that and even after clean-up and rebuilding leave lasting effects.  Even so, life must go on and rainbows always come after the rain.