At 17 1/2 weeks of pregnancy I began to suspect something was wrong. The next day, at my Dr.'s appointment, my worst fears were confirmed. They couldn't find my baby's heartbeat. This was the beginning of a journey that we were NOT expecting. This is an account of my journey, both to help me continue with my life & to remember my little angel, Gabriel. I also hope to be able to give some insight and encouragement to those going through a loss, like others' have helped me!
Showing posts with label introduction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introduction. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Good days bring mixed emotions...
Today was a good day! A little too good... :/ I feel like should be glad to have such a great day, but instead I find myself feeling guilty! I'm torn between being grateful to be coping so much better than I thought I would, and trying desperately not to forget him! It feels wrong to go on with life as usual... But what else can you do? I'm not really one to dwell on things too much, but this is one thing that I kind of wish I could. How do you remember someone with whom you have no memories? How do you keep someone with you that wasn't here long enough to even know? It's really an awkward place to be... stuck between trying to remember what was never there and trying not to forget what is! I realize that doesn't really make a lot of sense, and I'm pretty sure it never will...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Hi, my name is Jamie, and I lost a baby to miscarriage...
I'm going to start by saying, I'm not much of a blogger... But I'm not much of a journal-er either and I think the vast majority of my Facebook friends have grown tired of me using FB as my outlet ;). However, I've found sharing my thoughts and feelings freely and openly much more comforting than I ever expected! I found a quote that says "A heartbreak isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it's as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful part is that nobody hears it but you." I can't even tell you how huge a relief it is to know there are others who "heard" your heart break. So... Here I am.
I have recently experienced something that way too many other women have before, and will in the future. A miscarriage. In my case his heart stopped at 17 1/2 weeks, and he was born 3-4 days later at what would have been 18 weeks. Mine was what would be classified as a "late-term miscarriage" because it was after 13 weeks, but before 20 (which would have then been considered a "stillbirth"). I intend for this to be a place for me to let out the things in my mind and heart to help me continue on with my life, which, of course, is inevitable ;). Much of what I will post (especially in the beginning) is stuff I've already written elsewhere, but it had nowhere to go, so it may be slightly out of order for a while. Bear with me, I'm new at this :)
I have recently experienced something that way too many other women have before, and will in the future. A miscarriage. In my case his heart stopped at 17 1/2 weeks, and he was born 3-4 days later at what would have been 18 weeks. Mine was what would be classified as a "late-term miscarriage" because it was after 13 weeks, but before 20 (which would have then been considered a "stillbirth"). I intend for this to be a place for me to let out the things in my mind and heart to help me continue on with my life, which, of course, is inevitable ;). Much of what I will post (especially in the beginning) is stuff I've already written elsewhere, but it had nowhere to go, so it may be slightly out of order for a while. Bear with me, I'm new at this :)
(For those of you who don't know, this is my own photograph.
It's one of my favorites ;) )
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