Day 14: Family #captureyourgrief

FAMILY-

You may or may not have noticed, but I skipped yesterday.  It was supposed to be a book that has helped me along this journey of grief, but I couldn't think of anything I could share that fit that category, so I skipped it.  Today is family.  I have a husband who, despite any flaws, always steps up and comes through for me for the big stuff.  Because we were sealed for time & all eternity I know our family can be together forever.  I currently have three beautiful children whom I now wonder how I had without problems! They are 8, 6 & 4 and I don't tell them enough how proud of them I am.  And now I have an angel baby who may not be visible in our family portraits, but will always be part of our family.  I also have countless extended family without whom I wouldn't be who I am.

Day 6: Ritual #captureyourgrief

RITUAL-

Today's topic for our daily photo is a ritual that helps you get through the day.  I don't have any specific rituals, per say, but the thing that has helped me the most to get through day to day is gratitude.  As trite and holier-than-thou as that may sound, looking for things to be thankful for is what has helped me the most.  Finding the silver lining (so to speak), counting my blessings!  By doing this on particularly bad days I've been able to stay positive enough to keep from sinking too low in my grief.  However, there really have been so many things to be thankful for (which I touched on here).  I really do believe this statement... There is always, always, ALWAYS something to be grateful for!

"Blessed are they that mourn..."

Matthew 5:4 says "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.".  To be completely truthful I've always thought that was an odd sentiment.  Mourning is a part of life, but  to say that those who mourn are "blessed"?  Why would Christ say that??  Well, through losing Gabriel I've found a whole new meaning in this brief scripture! It's not necessarily in the mourning that we are blessed, but in the uniquely specific comfort that we are privy to because of the mourning!  By putting it in writing, it seems simple, but it just never clicked.  I have never felt such profound comfort any other time in my life.  It doesn't come automatically... We have to seek it, but it's there!  Like I said, pretty obvious, right?  "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted!"

"In His Constant Care" by Simon Dewey

{I absolutely LOVE this painting!}

Journey to a Promised Land

 Most of you know that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which means I am a "Mormon".  Last night I attended a regional meeting for women in the church, and the woman who spoke was the president of the entire Relief Society (the women's organization) of the church.  At the end of her talk she read a scripture from the Book of Mormon (a book of scripture we use alongside the Bible) that was just so applicable to me right now, that I wanted to share.
To give you some background, this excerpt is an account of a group of people called the Jaredites who lived during the time of the Tower of Babel (found in Genesis 11:1-9).  As the story goes, the Jaredites asked the Lord to spare them from the confusion that ensued after the tower was built and the Lord came down to confound the language of the people.  Because the Jaredites had righteous desires, He commanded them to build vessels to travel across the seas to the Promised Land (the Americas) and away from the destruction.  Here is their account:

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     And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind. 

      And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.
      And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.
     And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.
      And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.
      And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.
     And thus they were driven forth, three hundred and forty and four days upon the water.
     And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them.
                                                                                                                                   Book of Mormon; Ether Ch.6, vs. 5-12

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Now, on to why I wanted to share this... ;)

How similar are our lives to this journey?  As we travel toward our metaphorical (or literal) "Promised Land" we are often tossed by the winds and waves along the way.  Sometimes the greatness of the wind and waves becoming mighty tempests, and sometimes feeling completely buried by our trials!  However, there's glad news, too! Though the winds of tribulation are often fierce and unceasing, they are ALWAYS pushing us towards the promises of the Lord!  If we will cry out to the Him, even in the depth of our sorrows, he will always rescue us from our despair.  These people never ceased to praise and give thanks to Lord, and because of their righteousness and endurance He protected them and gave them the light of Christ to *always* be with them, above or beneath the waters.  I've learned that we, too, can have that, during easy or difficult periods of our lives!  Then, when they finally reached the Promised Land they immediately bowed down once again to give praise and thanks to the Lord for His many tender mercies!  Do we do that?  Do we remember to Thank the Lord in trialing times AND when the trial is over?  I learned this story as a child, but never until this experience had I recognized how specifically it can apply to us!  I was just so grateful Sis. Burton felt impressed to share this scripture with us last night, so I just wanted to pass my 2¢ along to you all, because of how impressed I was at the parallels (while perhaps not literal) in this section.  As always, thanks for reading (whoever might be doing so... :oP)!

Developing an attitude of GRATITUDE

I told you things would be a little out of order for a while, and this is a good example. It seems logical that the first/ next order of business should be giving you the rundown of the circumstances surrounding my miscarriage and telling you the whole story, but I just don't feel like doing that yet... Instead I want to share something that's really helped me lately, and that's developing an attitude of gratitude. ;)  If anyone were to have told me beforehand what was about to happen, and told me to look for things to be thankful for I would probably have told them they were insane.  After all, how could you possibly find things to be grateful in a situation like this?!?  Well, I can't really answer *how*, but I am here to tell you that it is possible!  I have seen the Tender Mercies of the Lord more during this trial than in any other time of my life, so I feel like it would be terribly prideful of me not to recognize His handiwork.  I've learned that the Lord allows sorrow and tragedy in our lives, but He has shown me with no uncertainty that these tragedies are not necessarily His doing, and that He will always come to our aid if we can/ will humble ourselves enough to see it.  I know some of these may seem trivial, but here is a list (albeit incomplete) of the many things I have to be thankful for during this difficult time:

~My Hubby- who's been pretty great through all of this!
~My other three children
~The Gospel
~Temples and the ordinances & peace you can find nowhere else
~My knowledge that families can be together forever
~The hope that I'll see Gabriel again someday
~Prayer
~Websites w/ pics & stories of miscarriage that I stumbled upon long before there was a problem
~Intuition (or whatever you want to call it!) so the Dr.'s news wasn't a complete shock
~That we were able to find out he was a boy the week prior
~A kind Doctor
~An empty waiting room when I left the Dr.'s office
~Priesthood blessings
~The rainbow we saw on our way to the hospital
~My mom for being willing and able to keep my kinds for 2 1/2 days without warning
~Modern technology that allowed me to share my unfortunate news once (instead of over and over!)
       and allowed me immediate access to kind, supportive words from friends & family
~Indescribably AMAZING nurses!
~The compassionate way the hospital dealt with us
~Being able to deliver naturally & avoid surgery
~Having the opportunity to see and hold my baby
~Finding some incredible songs that express my feelings so perfectly
~Friends who have been willing to share their own experiences with me
~Not having to deal with much of the insensitivity you hear about
~The most uncomplicated physical recovery I could've asked for
~A church community that brought dinners to us
~A package from my long-time bestie on a particularly rough day
~Wonderful supportive friends and family
~Having pictures and hand/footprints to remember him

The list could go on...  So many things to be thankful for!