The Reunion

The past few days have been hard.  Not sure why, but they have.  I don't think anything's been different!  Well, whatever... It is what it is!  I found this poem yesterday (I know, right? Another poem?! Well, what can I say... there are a bunch of 'em out there!) Anyway, I really like it.  Since there's no credited author I took some liberty and changed a few of the words.

The Reunion

Since Heaven has become your home

I sometimes feel I'm so alone,

And though I know we're not far apart

You hold a sliver of my heart.

I never knew how much I'd grieve

When it was time for you to leave

Or just how much my heart would ache

From that small fragment you would take!

God lets this tender hole remain

Reminding me well meet again,

And when we do my pain will cease

For He'll restore that missing piece!

He'll turn to joy my every tear

The day I hold you oh, so near!

Then together, forever we will stay

Beginning on that Reunion Day!

~Unknown

I can't even begin to tell you how much hope I have looking forward to that day when I get to see my baby again!!
Until then... XOXO to you, my sweet Gabriel!

Remembering Gabriel

Today has been 3 weeks and I can honestly say I'm doing alright. :)  It was touch-and-go there for a while!  I still have my 'moments' every now and then, but overall I really do think I'm gonna be ok...  To be completely honest, though, I'm good with the idea of having hard moments now and again if it means I can remember my angel baby.  I've decided that you don't ever completely heal from something like this (or any other major loss).  It's not something you "move on" from or "get over".  While time does have a way of making the pain more bearable, and the Atonement has incredible healing powers, I think an experience like this is largely something you have to internalize and incorporate into who you are.  It becomes a part of you.  It's how you're able to do this that really matters.  That's where this blog comes in for me; it helps me integrate Gabriel into my daily life.  It just doesn't feel right not to.  I also have a framed picture of him in our room, which I love :).  I found this poem, and while I don't expect people to remember him (considering he wasn't even full term when we lost him), it would be nice to eventually be able to speak more openly about loss through miscarriage.  I think of all the moms who have been through this, some many, many times, and my wish is that they wouldn't feel obligated to grieve alone...


REMEMBERING

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry,
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.

It hurts when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my baby,
And know that he has been missed.

You ask me how I am doing,
I say "pretty good" or "just fine",
But healing is something ongoing
I think it'll take a lifetime.

~Elizabeth Dent~

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