I almost switched today's topic out for another because the things that trigger my emotions are often completely unpredictable still! There are days when almost everything set me off, and other days when I can handle it all with a smile. I haven't figured out how to predict, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to! There are things that are always triggers, it's just a matter of how strongly I react on any given moment. Sometimes it's little random things that set me off like a cute shirt I'd pinned on Pinterest that I was planning on making for Halloween. There are certain songs that always bring me to tears, but sometimes even a random song on the radio reminds me of Gabriel and sets me off without warning. Pregnant ladies and newborns don't generally bother me like you may expect with one exception. I have a very dear friend who is due within days of Gabriel's due date and that is still really hard for me to face. (If she's reading this she'll know I'm referring to her and I hope that she understands it's not her, just the situation!) I'm not angry or bitter at all, it's just a hard situation. Sometimes looking through my pictures of Gabriel is a trigger, but sometimes it's a great comfort! Coming across cute maternity clothes at the store is especially difficult at times. I was right at the stage in pregnancy where I was really enjoying being pregnant, so reminders of pregnancy are often harder for me right now than baby things. I'm sure that will evolve as time passes. Oh! I almost forgot to mention the lab results I got back this week. Finding out I have a gene mutation that likely cost my baby's life has been hard on me! (You can read more about that here) I know it's not my fault, but it's impossible not to wonder if I could have prevented this. The biggest trigger of all lately, though, has been quiet time, especially lying in bed at night! Being left to my own thoughts is tricky these days... There are many, many more, but it's so unpredictable I couldn't even begin to guess at some of them! However, like I said, a lot of times I'm perfectly ok with the things I've mentioned! Funny thing, grief is!
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