It's not their fault...

This afternoon I went to visit a friend in the hospital who just had her baby.  I've come across so many people (through online support groups and such) who, after losing their own baby, felt angry and resentful of others who announced pregnancy and had healthy babies.  Personally, I haven't felt that way, but so many have expressed these same feelings that I wondered if maybe that part of my grieving process just hadn't struck yet!  There was a small part of me that was a little afraid that going to visit would be like rubbing salt in an all-too-raw wound.  I envisioned myself suddenly losing control of my emotions and having to leave the room or something!  I worried that, though I'd run through it in my mind, all those feelings (that sit so close to the surface all the time lately) would come rushing back on knock me on my behind... metaphorically speaking ;).  However, the bigger part of me, that wanted to face that fear and go see that sweet boy (and his mommy, of course ;)), won out and so I went.  I felt good about it, but even in the elevator on my way up, gift in hand, I questioned again in my mind whether this was a bad idea.  Well, long story short, it wasn't (a bad idea, that is ;) ).  If anything, it was good for my heart!  I would never belittle the way others grieve and learn to cope with their own losses, but for me I don't feel like I should harbor ill feelings toward others who haven't suffered this kind of loss. It's not their fault Gabriel didn't live... As a matter of fact, it's really not anyone's fault!  Now, that's not to say there aren't some people or situations that are harder for me to deal with, but even then, my loss is my cross to bear, and it shouldn't affect my relationships because of someone else's situation.  I would never wish for anyone to go through this, so I can't help but hope for only positive outcomes from others' (especially my friends') pregnancies.  While I still grieve daily for my own loss, I am so happy and relieved when a baby is born healthy and strong.  Hopefully I'll be able to experience that again, and if I do I know I'll have a whole new appreciation for the miracle of life!  I will never again take a healthy pregnancy for granted.