Saturday, January 18, 2014

Happy would-be birthday to Gabriel!

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I've kinda dropped the ball on blogging...  I knew that would happen, but I intended for it to be a little more gradual ;).  Yesterday was my would-be due date, so I feel it only appropriate to mark the occasion here.  I considered celebrating the day by doing something special, but as I thought more about it I realized that my due date didn't mean that much... after all, my older two were born 2 weeks *after* their due dates and my 3rd a week early and I don't celebrate their due dates.  It has been a bit of an emotional week for me, though, knowing that I should would be welcoming a newborn into our lives.  Mostly I've moved forward, but then sometimes I'm reminded of the things I'm missing out on like no carseat to put in the car, not getting the chance to nurse him, not having baby things all over the house.  Sometimes, late at night, when it's so quiet and peaceful instead of thinking "Ah, this is nice..." I think "If only I was being awakened by newborn cries..."  But, it is what it is.  No amount of wishing will change that.  On the plus side of things, I've been able to connect with people I'd never have connected with otherwise.  For example, a family friend (who had been informed I was pregnant at some point, but unaware I had lost him) asked me about the baby today.  Any other day I would have been perfectly fine answering, but (since it was today) I burst into tears explaining that I had lost him in August and yesterday would have been his due date.  She was very sweet, apologizing for asking and expressing her condolences.  Without warning a lady standing close by who had overheard my story (whom I had never met) reached over and gave me a warm hug and told me she too had suffered a loss in Oct.  Another woman (who I had also never met) shared her story of losing 4 babies by 13 weeks before being able to have any.  It was a tender moment that I'm grateful to have experienced.  At any rate, happy would-be birthday, Gabriel! :)

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